The Inside Scoop

First of all, to answer Joel’s previous question: I’d say good ol’ Albie is still more impressive. I mean, unless the magician has hair like that, in which case it might be a more difficult choice to make. Just so you’re not disappointed, I say now this is not a Fourth of July story, because mine wasn’t very interesting. Instead I shall tell you about my “job.” Get ready for Hollywood glamour and intrigue!

So, I’m an intern in the Premieres & Special Events department of Warner Brothers, which sounds kinda cool, right? Well let me tell you what I did my first week. Drumroll please.

1) Walked from my computer-less shared cubicle to the other interns’ cubicle to “observe and learn” everything they did. Intern #1, Lindsey, has the most hard-hitting, go-getting type-A Napoleon-complex personality possible. A pistol, if you will. She hustles around all day in her platform sandals, name-dropping and ass-kissing with every step. And sadly, I know she’ll probably be running the studio in a few years. I tried following her around for a few hours to see what she does and how she does it, and she’d walk so fast that I could barely keep up (which I’m sure was intentional). Intern #2, Meg, couldn’t be more different. Skinny, tan, and bleach-blonde, she comes to work in flitty little sundresses, snacks on cashews (her only meal of the day), and browses fashion websites when not answering an occasional phone call in her girly-girl voice. I’m hoping I fall somewhere in between on that spectrum. And, luckily I have a few high school friends working in other departments, so I have lunch with them every day, and get a little dose of “normal” to balance out the rest of the day.

2) Cruised the floor asking all the assistants if they needed any help with anything. Begged for work to do. Anything. They’d feel bad they couldn’t give me stuff to do, except for one nice assistant: “Hmm, I’m sorry I don’t think I have anything for you… oh wait, ooh! I have something! I need a copy made of this document! Here ya go! Have fun!” Talk about excitement. The annoying part is that I know there’s so much work that needs to be done, and I can’t tell why they won’t let me near it – because they don’t trust me yet? Because they guard it for themselves, in this crazy competitive world of entertainment? Because they had to do shit-work when they started, and now they make sure that everyone else has to also?

3) After I’d made a few rounds and was starting to irritate people, I’d sit in my cubicle and do anything I could think of. Wrote out my plans for next year. Made check-lists. Doodled logos for FACES. Tried to read some documents about premieres that were laying around (some of which were actually interesting, budgets and blueprints). Made myself a binder. And when I couldn’t think of anything else productive to do, I settled for an In Style magazine. I mean, I know I should feel lucky that my job is so easy, but I get so antsy! I want to be a part of the action! If only they’d let me design a premiere invitation, I’d show them…

But, then something cool happened. I’d become friends with one of the assistants (she’s the secretary for one of the VP’s of publicity), and since she was taking a day off on Monday, she asked me to cover for her. Woo hoo! A promotion! So for one day, my job was fast-paced, demanding, and you could say almost exciting. I talked on the phone with Mandy Moore’s rep, wrote emails about Catherine Zeta Jones (or CZJ – to those on the inside), and got to learn firsthand information about how these events come together. Cool! And then… that was it. All downhill from there, now that the assistant's back at work. But hey, this Sunday is the Harry Potter 5 premiere, which I’ll be staffing at. That could be fun. I might get to be Hermione’s bitch for a couple hours.

Though I get frustrated, I know it’s good experience. It’s such a surreal world to be a part of, and though I don’t really feel like it’s my world, it’s fascinating to observe – the shit-talking behind people’s backs, the unbelievable price tags, the ladder-climbing, the obsession with Celebrity, and yes, even the glamour. I hope I don’t sound toooo cynical. It’s just Hollywood – beautiful on the outside and a mess on the inside. Nothing I didn’t know before.

Hope everyone is doing well! I miss you!